The Transformative Power of Imago Therapy It’s Not About the Toothpaste In relationships, it’s rarely about the toothpaste.It’s about what the toothpaste represents—what lives beneath the surface of our irritation, what old stories are being unconsciously activated,...
“Mom, are you being nice or are you being mean? I’m trying to be nice, so you need to try too.”— A precocious little girl in a viral moment of emotional wisdom We often say that children live in the space between their parents—not just physically, but emotionally....
A March 30th Washington Post article by Yael Schonbrun, "Typecasting others and self as villain or victim can hurt relationships," explores how we often fall into moral typecasting in relationships—assigning rigid roles of villain and victim in couples' dynamics. When...
How would your relationship be different if you approached your partner reflecting on two questions: What can I celebrate in my partner? What’s right with our relationship? This sounds challenging, right? This is not how we are programmed! We tend to look for what’s...
When is the last time you played with your partner? Nine months into a global pandemic, you might not feel very playful, especially if you and your loved ones have experienced hardship or loss. But that is exactly why we need play more than ever in our relationships!...
Do you know how to apologize meaningfully when you have made a mistake or hurt someone — intentionally or unintentionally? Most of us growing up did not see good models of healthy apologies to repair ruptures and restore relational trust and safety. Some of us were...
If you are preparing to be married, consider premarital counseling: it’s the best investment in your relationship you’ll ever make. You don’t have to be religious to try it. Even though some couples come to premarital counseling because their priest, minister, or...
Growing up, I thought that I could only experience the spiritual in religious places like churches or in solemnly recited words of prayer (and only when I was perfectly well-behaved). Once I became a parent, however, my four children taught me that the sacred can...
In the early years of our marriage, my husband Jason and I used to get stuck frequently in the same frustrating interaction. “We need to talk about our relationship” I would announce to him out of the blue, with urgency and anxiousness in my voice. “I’m feeling...
Do you ever dream of a beautiful exotic getaway with intimate moments of delight? The adventurous intimacy that you yearn for is not as far away as it might seem, but it’s not always easy to get there. You have to visit your partner’s world–not their office or their...
The Center for Erotic Intelligence defines eroticism as “the interplay of desire and arousal with the daily challenges of living and loving,” and describes the five main elements of erotic intelligence as body attunement, social intelligence, emotional...
At our most recent 2-day Getting the Love You Want couples’ workshop, my husband Jason and I accompanied eight lovely couples on a rich experiential journey. Halfway through the workshop, the group had a collective epiphany: “It’s not about the dishes!” Their new...
In my work as a couples therapist, I often have couples complain to me about their partner’s anger management issues. As a mother myself, I never knew how angry I could get until I had children! Chronic anger can erode and break relationships and has a huge...
Surviving couplehood during the coronavirus In the past eight weeks of quarantine, my husband and I have regularly commented that we are not sure how we would have survived a lockdown if our now-grown four children had been toddlers or elementary school kids or even...
What I learned from a quality espresso machine. A sticky coffee situation “Give me room to grow!” I found myself asking my husband when we recently got stuck in a triggering conversation about spending money, being on the same team, and assuming we could predict each...