Why gentle, attuned touch matters more than you think In the busyness of daily life, affection can quietly slip out the back door. We may still communicate. We may still partner on parenting or logistics. But we stop reaching for each other, literally, and the...
The power of lightness, laughter, and shared joy in your relationship We often focus on the hard work of relationships: the communication tools, the healing, the self-awareness, the deep conversations. And all of that matters, of course. But fun matters too....
You’ve mirrored. You’ve validated. Now what? In the Imago Dialogue, there’s one more step that makes all the difference: empathy. Empathy is where understanding becomes connection. It’s the moment you stop standing beside your partner’s story and actually step inside...
Why your partner’s perspective doesn’t have to match yours to matter In the Imago Dialogue, every conversation begins with an invitation: I’d like to invite you to come into my world. Are you available? When the receiver says yes, they’re agreeing to cross a bridge,...
What your body might be saying — even when your words sound nice We’ve all been there: trying to say the “right” thing in a hard conversation… but our partner still pulls away or shuts down. Here’s the truth: you can have the best words in the world, but if your tone...
We all mess up in relationships. We say something sharp. We go silent. We roll our eyes without meaning to. And sometimes, even when we don’t intend it, our impact stings our partner. Here’s the truth: connection isn’t about never messing up. It’s about knowing how to...
Why your differences might be the doorway to growth One of you wants to talk it out right now. The other needs time to process. One of you thrives on spontaneity. The other can’t function without a plan. Sound familiar? It’s easy in relationships to see these...
How emotional awareness can shift the energy between you Ever get caught in a moment with your partner and think, I don’t even know what I’m feeling… I just know I’m upset? Or maybe you’re on the other side of it: your partner is reacting strongly, and you’re left...
Why asking for what you need is a strength, not a weakness Have you ever found yourself feeling hurt or disappointed that your partner didn’t meet a need you never actually said out loud? You were hoping they’d notice you were struggling, offer support, reach for your...
Why slowing down just for a moment can change everything Ever blurt something out and immediately wish you could hit rewind? You’re not alone. When we feel triggered, our brains switch into survival mode: we either gear up to fight (I must win this) or we shut down...
One small shift that can help you come back together faster Ever find yourself stuck in a bad vibe with your partner, even after the argument is technically over? The tension hangs in the air. No one’s saying anything hurtful, but something still feels off. It’s easy...
(What if the pattern is the real problem?) Ever have the same fight over and over? The one that starts about the dishwasher… or a tone of voice… or the way they looked at you? Here’s the thing: most of the time, the fight isn’t actually about what it seems. It’s about...
Three tiny habits that might be hurting connection without you realizing it We all want to be good communicators thoughtful, loving, and clear. But sometimes, especially when we’re stressed or triggered, we fall into habits that quietly sabotage the very connection...
There’s a poem by Jayne Gumpel that always stops me in my tracks. It’s called Goddamn It, Just Ask Me. It speaks to a part of me that has, for much of my life, been quiet—maybe even invisible: the part of me that has needs. For years, I saw myself as a giver. I was...
What It Really Takes to Stay Married for 30+ Years People often ask: How do you stay married to the same person for over 30 years? Well, here’s the honest answer: You don’t. The person I married 31 years ago is not the same person I live with today. And I’m certainly...
The Transformative Power of Imago Therapy It’s Not About the Toothpaste In relationships, it’s rarely about the toothpaste.It’s about what the toothpaste represents—what lives beneath the surface of our irritation, what old stories are being unconsciously activated,...
“Mom, are you being nice or are you being mean? I’m trying to be nice, so you need to try too.”— A precocious little girl in a viral moment of emotional wisdom We often say that children live in the space between their parents—not just physically, but emotionally....
A March 30th Washington Post article by Yael Schonbrun, "Typecasting others and self as villain or victim can hurt relationships," explores how we often fall into moral typecasting in relationships—assigning rigid roles of villain and victim in couples' dynamics. When...
How would your relationship be different if you approached your partner reflecting on two questions: What can I celebrate in my partner? What’s right with our relationship? This sounds challenging, right? This is not how we are programmed! We tend to look for what’s...
When is the last time you played with your partner? Nine months into a global pandemic, you might not feel very playful, especially if you and your loved ones have experienced hardship or loss. But that is exactly why we need play more than ever in our relationships!...
Do you know how to apologize meaningfully when you have made a mistake or hurt someone — intentionally or unintentionally? Most of us growing up did not see good models of healthy apologies to repair ruptures and restore relational trust and safety. Some of us were...
If you are preparing to be married, consider premarital counseling: it’s the best investment in your relationship you’ll ever make. You don’t have to be religious to try it. Even though some couples come to premarital counseling because their priest, minister, or...
Growing up, I thought that I could only experience the spiritual in religious places like churches or in solemnly recited words of prayer (and only when I was perfectly well-behaved). Once I became a parent, however, my four children taught me that the sacred can...
In the early years of our marriage, my husband Jason and I used to get stuck frequently in the same frustrating interaction. “We need to talk about our relationship” I would announce to him out of the blue, with urgency and anxiousness in my voice. “I’m feeling...
Do you ever dream of a beautiful exotic getaway with intimate moments of delight? The adventurous intimacy that you yearn for is not as far away as it might seem, but it’s not always easy to get there. You have to visit your partner’s world–not their office or their...
The Center for Erotic Intelligence defines eroticism as “the interplay of desire and arousal with the daily challenges of living and loving,” and describes the five main elements of erotic intelligence as body attunement, social intelligence, emotional...
At our most recent 2-day Getting the Love You Want couples’ workshop, my husband Jason and I accompanied eight lovely couples on a rich experiential journey. Halfway through the workshop, the group had a collective epiphany: “It’s not about the dishes!” Their new...
In my work as a couples therapist, I often have couples complain to me about their partner’s anger management issues. As a mother myself, I never knew how angry I could get until I had children! Chronic anger can erode and break relationships and has a huge...
Surviving couplehood during the coronavirus In the past eight weeks of quarantine, my husband and I have regularly commented that we are not sure how we would have survived a lockdown if our now-grown four children had been toddlers or elementary school kids or even...
What I learned from a quality espresso machine. A sticky coffee situation “Give me room to grow!” I found myself asking my husband when we recently got stuck in a triggering conversation about spending money, being on the same team, and assuming we could predict each...