Why gentle, attuned touch matters more than you think In the busyness of daily life, affection can quietly slip out the back door. We may still communicate. We may still partner on parenting or logistics. But we stop reaching for each other, literally, and the...
The power of lightness, laughter, and shared joy in your relationship We often focus on the hard work of relationships: the communication tools, the healing, the self-awareness, the deep conversations. And all of that matters, of course. But fun matters too....
You’ve mirrored. You’ve validated. Now what? In the Imago Dialogue, there’s one more step that makes all the difference: empathy. Empathy is where understanding becomes connection. It’s the moment you stop standing beside your partner’s story and actually step inside...
Why your partner’s perspective doesn’t have to match yours to matter In the Imago Dialogue, every conversation begins with an invitation: I’d like to invite you to come into my world. Are you available? When the receiver says yes, they’re agreeing to cross a bridge,...
What your body might be saying — even when your words sound nice We’ve all been there: trying to say the “right” thing in a hard conversation… but our partner still pulls away or shuts down. Here’s the truth: you can have the best words in the world, but if your tone...
We all mess up in relationships. We say something sharp. We go silent. We roll our eyes without meaning to. And sometimes, even when we don’t intend it, our impact stings our partner. Here’s the truth: connection isn’t about never messing up. It’s about knowing how to...
Why your differences might be the doorway to growth One of you wants to talk it out right now. The other needs time to process. One of you thrives on spontaneity. The other can’t function without a plan. Sound familiar? It’s easy in relationships to see these...
How emotional awareness can shift the energy between you Ever get caught in a moment with your partner and think, I don’t even know what I’m feeling… I just know I’m upset? Or maybe you’re on the other side of it: your partner is reacting strongly, and you’re left...
Why asking for what you need is a strength, not a weakness Have you ever found yourself feeling hurt or disappointed that your partner didn’t meet a need you never actually said out loud? You were hoping they’d notice you were struggling, offer support, reach for your...
Why slowing down just for a moment can change everything Ever blurt something out and immediately wish you could hit rewind? You’re not alone. When we feel triggered, our brains switch into survival mode: we either gear up to fight (I must win this) or we shut down...
Three tiny habits that might be hurting connection without you realizing it We all want to be good communicators thoughtful, loving, and clear. But sometimes, especially when we’re stressed or triggered, we fall into habits that quietly sabotage the very connection...
There’s a poem by Jayne Gumpel that always stops me in my tracks. It’s called Goddamn It, Just Ask Me. It speaks to a part of me that has, for much of my life, been quiet—maybe even invisible: the part of me that has needs. For years, I saw myself as a giver. I was...
What It Really Takes to Stay Married for 30+ Years People often ask: How do you stay married to the same person for over 30 years? Well, here’s the honest answer: You don’t. The person I married 31 years ago is not the same person I live with today. And I’m certainly...
“Mom, are you being nice or are you being mean? I’m trying to be nice, so you need to try too.”— A precocious little girl in a viral moment of emotional wisdom We often say that children live in the space between their parents—not just physically, but emotionally....
A March 30th Washington Post article by Yael Schonbrun, "Typecasting others and self as villain or victim can hurt relationships," explores how we often fall into moral typecasting in relationships—assigning rigid roles of villain and victim in couples' dynamics. When...
Do you know how to apologize meaningfully when you have made a mistake or hurt someone — intentionally or unintentionally? Most of us growing up did not see good models of healthy apologies to repair ruptures and restore relational trust and safety. Some of us were...
Just this week, for the first time I watched a popular online video, This Is Water, adapted from author David Foster Wallace’s 2005 commencement speech at Kenyon College. Maybe you have seen it here. I was struck by how brilliantly the video conveyed a message about...
If you are preparing to be married, consider premarital counseling: it’s the best investment in your relationship you’ll ever make. You don’t have to be religious to try it. Even though some couples come to premarital counseling because their priest, minister, or...
Growing up, I thought that I could only experience the spiritual in religious places like churches or in solemnly recited words of prayer (and only when I was perfectly well-behaved). Once I became a parent, however, my four children taught me that the sacred can...
I love the following reflection from Richard Rohr, a wise Franciscan priest, who founded the Center for Action and Contemplation. The vivid metaphor of the loyal soldier resonates deeply with my experience personally and professionally. The ways we learn to protect...